Questions
Everything couples ask me
Gathered here in one place: what an interfaith ceremony is like, what it costs, how the planning works, and what happens on the day itself. If your question isn't here, just ask me.
Interfaith ceremonies
About the kind of ceremony I lead
What is an interfaith minister?
An ordained minister trained in the world's great wisdom traditions rather than in only one of them. It means your ceremony can draw on any tradition, on several, or on none at all, and you'll never be asked to believe anything in order to be married by me.
Do we have to be religious?
Not in the least. Many of my couples describe themselves as spiritual but not religious, and plenty aren't religious at all. A ceremony can be deeply moving without a single word of scripture.
We come from two different faiths. Can you include both?
Yes, and it's some of my favorite work. We'll choose the elements that carry real meaning for each of you, and weave them into one ceremony so that both families recognize something of themselves in it.
Can our priest, rabbi or pastor take part?
Gladly. I've co-officiated many times and enjoy it very much. Two clergy can often represent a couple's two families more fully than one of us could alone.
Do you work with LGBTQ+ couples?
Always, and with delight. Every couple is welcome here exactly as they are.
Our parents are worried this won't feel like a real wedding. What can we tell them?
Tell them nothing will happen that you haven't chosen, and that their tradition can have a place in the day if you'd like it to. I'm always glad to weave in readings, blessings or rituals that will feel familiar to them.
Will our marriage be legal?
Yes. I'm an ordained minister, you'll obtain a North Carolina marriage license, and we'll sign it together with your two witnesses on the day. I return it to the Register of Deeds afterwards.
Cost
What a ceremony costs
What does a ceremony cost?
It depends on the kind of ceremony you'd like. A Custom Ceremony is $700: completely customized around your love story, with rituals such as a candle lighting, a sand ceremony or a hand-fasting. A Simple Ceremony or Elopement is $500: up to 10 minutes, at the venue of your choice. A Simple Signing is $250: the two of you plus two witnesses, at the venue of your choice.
How do we book our date?
After our first conversation, if we decide we're a good match, I'll send you a contract. Payment is due up front and in full to confirm your date.
Is the payment refundable?
No. Payment is non-refundable once your date is booked, so if anything about your plans is still uncertain, let's talk it through before you sign.
Are there travel fees?
I travel anywhere within about an hour of the Triangle. If your celebration is further afield, tell me where and we'll talk it through.
Planning
From first hello to final draft
How far in advance should we book?
As early as you like. Many couples reach out six months to a year ahead, though I've written lovely ceremonies on much shorter notice. Message me with your date and I'll tell you honestly whether I'm free.
How many times will we meet?
We'll have one unhurried conversation to begin, in person or by video, and after that we work by email and phone as your ceremony takes shape. Some couples want a second sit-down closer to the day, and that's easily arranged.
Can we write our own vows?
Absolutely. Many couples find writing their vows to be one of the most meaningful parts of the whole process, and I'll help you shape them and point you to resources if you'd like.
Do we have to know what we want?
Not at all. Most couples have never planned a ceremony before. I'll walk you through how ceremonies usually flow and what your options are, and we'll go from there together.
Will we see the ceremony before the day?
Yes. You'll read a full draft well in advance, and we'll revise it as many times as it takes until every line sounds like you.
Our family situation is complicated. Is that a problem?
It's never a problem, and it's far more common than you'd think. Divorced parents, blended families, a relative who's hoping for a prayer: tell me early, and we'll plan the ceremony so it honors everyone with grace.
On the day
What to expect at the wedding itself
How long is a ceremony?
Usually about twenty to twenty-five minutes. Long enough to feel like the real thing, short enough that nobody wilts on a hot Carolina afternoon.
Do you attend the rehearsal?
As a general rule, no. I believe there's something special and sacred about hearing and saying your vows for the very first time during the ceremony itself. We'll have talked everything through beforehand, so you'll know exactly what to expect.
When do you arrive?
Early. I'll find you both, greet your families, and coordinate with your photographer and musicians so that the ceremony runs without anyone having to think about it.
What if it rains?
We'll talk through your backup plan in advance, so nobody is making decisions in a downpour. I've officiated in a good deal of Carolina weather.
Can friends and family read or sing?
Please do. I'll make sure they know when to step forward and what happens next, so that even a nervous reader feels looked after.
Who signs the marriage license?
You two, your two witnesses and me. Hand me the license before the ceremony, and I'll take care of returning it to the county that issued it.
“Two are better than one…
a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Other ceremonies
Beyond the wedding day
Do you officiate elopements and very small ceremonies?
Yes, and they're often the most moving of all. Just the two of you, or a handful of people who love you, written with exactly the same care.
Do you do vow renewals?
I do. An anniversary, a turning point, or simply the wish to say it again in front of the people who have held you up: all are good reasons.
Do you offer baby blessings?
Yes. A gentle welcome for a new little one, drawn from whichever traditions matter to your family, with grandparents and godparents included if you'd like.
Do you lead celebrations of life?
Yes. I consider this a sacred service to families in some of their hardest hours, and I'm honored whenever I'm asked.
Kind words
What couples tell me afterwards
Thank you so much again for such a wonderful service and for being a great part of it. Natasha and I were so glad we got to work with you, and everyone thought you were fantastic.
Didn't find it?
Then ask me directly
Text or email me your question along with your date, and I'll answer honestly, whether or not it leads anywhere. I usually reply within a day or two.
Based in Raleigh · Serving Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill and anywhere within about an hour